This is a brief post about wrists. Your wrists are good to you, be good to your wrists. If your wrists are hurting, it’s your fault. Not theirs. Stop being a dick to them. As per normal, I’m just going to link to people who are smarter than me. Actually it’s wrist and shoulders… moving on.
This post isn’t really for regular folks, it’s for people who ask more of their bodies. If you’re a regular folk whom happens to have pain from too much time on the computer or other repetitive, sit-on-your-butt work, try this post from the good folks at BoingBoing. And remember to “hold your wrists in a neutral position” while using a keyboard or mouse. That means elevated (flat). Not wresting on the desk or a gel pad. Actively holding up your wrists like a pianist will take care of most simple pain. It will also make you stand like a dinosaur for a while, but you’ll get through it.
For athletes — hand balancers, equilibre, acrobats, aerialists or anyone who asks a more from their wrists:
Start with this forum post. Did you click on it? Those bold-blue words are a link. What? Are you new to the internets? It’s like a series of tubes, invented by Al Gore or some bullshit.
If you’re lazy or in a hurry, the short version is:
Get into a pushup support position on your fists with your hands turned sideways. As you lower into the pushup, allow the wrists to bend outward and your bodyweight to descend upon the back of your wrists and hands. As you ascend out of the pushup, straighten the wrists simultaneously along with the elbows returning back up onto your fist.
– Coach Sommers
And watch this:
But really, that forum is great. Go spend some time there.
That was from Coach Sommers, who has raised a lot of Olympians and has long preached gymnastic training for strength.
As you can imagine, pushing his kids through such rigors he’s also very concerned with keeping them healthy. Thus, the wrist exercises.
I came to his website through this post by Ido Portal (who I was lucky enough to train with last fall). And this excellent post on daily preparation for training.
If you’re lazy, then there is no help for you. Go read that post.
I do all the wrist stuff he lists there, as well as all the shoulder stuff there and on his other post here.
I don’t do the capoeira stuff. Just the shoulder stuff.
The two important shoulder series are here:
And here:
And another great one from Coach Sommers is an exercise called Wall Extensions.
Just as a frame of reference. Ido had us warm up any handbalancing with:
1) 10 dorsal pushups
2) 10 finger-tip pushups, elbows in. The fingers should “gather” the ground actively, not passively resting on your fingertips.
3) 10 wrist pushups
4) 10 “first knuckle” pushups. That’s just a pushup where your elbows are locked (they never bend during the exercise) the thumb stays off the ground and you push the palm off the ground until vertical while leaving the fingers flat. Push into the knuckle behind the index finger. Don’t let your thumb touch the ground. Lower back down to your palm. Never let your thumb touch the ground. It’s only a movement in your hand, not your arms. The elbows stay locked, the inside of the elbow angled toward the wall in front of you (like you’re doing a handstand).
Why should you listen to Ido? Because Ido is an unbelievable badass!
OK. That’s the short version. Now go do wrist pushups!
-UglyElf
Spring has sproinged and I’ve notice a lot of my friends are making newly-woken-from-hibernation grumbling noises about wanting to eat better.
Awesome!
Of course I encourage this. I’m posting a primer on how to eat well, linking to some good articles on MDA. Mark’s Daily Apple can be a little overwhelming, so I’m suggesting you start with four specific articles, acquaint yourself with the site in general, and read more when you have time.
Congratulations on eating better! You’re doing a great job!
Caveat: this site (and my own diet) are on the extreme side. I think if you push yourself too far in too fast, you’ll abandon it. Maybe I’m wrong. But my gut says that for you, you should learn all you can and implement what you’re comfortable with. Think of it like a dietary grammar, you should know the rules before you break them.
This (go briefly glance but then come right back) — http://www.marksdailyapple.com/ — is the site I get much of my information from. But please do click through the links within the articles to their sources. I sometimes disagree with MDA, but I also often agree. It’s a little dizzying, so to get started, go to the getting started page (again, just a quick peak please, then come back): Getting Started.
Maybe read all the titles before you click on any of the links? Did you notice there’s an entire section with eleven articles on Eating Well on the Cheap? So don’t think you can’t afford it. You can!
OK, that’s still overwhelming. For you, start with the discussion about protein, then learn about sugars, make friends with fats, and last (for now) get to know grains.
2. Sugar — Definitive Guide to SugarsNote: This is really important. Remember when I said you should click through to the links in these articles? You SHOULD. One of the best sources of information on how the body actually WORKS with food is in this article. It’s the link to Dr. Lustig’s Video, The Bitter Truth About Sugar. It’s long, but you really really should watch it. I watched it a little bit at a time. That was the only way I could fit it into my schedule. So even if you can only watch the first five minutes now, go ahead and start. I’m not linking to it, you should have no trouble finding it in that sugar article if you’re actually reading it!
3. Fats — Fats and Getting over you fear of fats (and getting rid of your mood swings). Do click the link to read the rest of the story.
Optional (I promised you’d only have to read four). I thought the article on cholesterol was really interesting.
True story (and I can show you the letters from my doctor), a year ago my doctor threatened to put me on statins. This year, with nearly the same scores, he says I’m super healthy and doing great. He now believes the same things that article says, but a year ago he didn’t at all. Doctors are funny people.
Notice you’re missing something SUPER important in that list I gave you. Vegetables. For now, eat as many vegetables as you can of as many colors as possible. What you’re building towards is five colors of vegetable per meal, every meal (even breakfast). But for now, just eat a lot of vegetables and have a lot of variety. Then look up better information when you have time. (hint: make the time.)
When considering fruit, it makes a great dessert and a great snack. Enjoy. But keep it to snacks and desserts. Don’t let it kill your appetite for protein or veggies.
Wait! You say. What about my ?! Everything in moderation? Right!?
We need to define moderation. Moderation is an exception to the rules that keep you within your goals. Are you within your goals? If so, there is some room for “moderation”. If you’re not, there is no such thing as moderation. Don’t cheat yourself.
That said:
I think the most important thing you can do with food choices right now is to celebrate your successes and not dwell on any lapses. Positive reinforcement will guide you down the right path. The mind is a powerful thingum. If you try this way of eating, you’ll see positive changes and like them. Don’t think about your weight, just watch your shape. Give it two months and be amazed! Last note: this is not a diet to be followed for a short while before reverting to your previous crap way of eating (yup, I said it — crap), better eating is a way of life.
It’s Day 2 right now, 5:45 pm, and the boys are both snoring. None of us slept last night, and today’s bus ride just didn’t offer enough hours to fully rest us. I think they both need it, though.
Day 1 started in a mixed fashion. Friday was a day of highs and lows, and I wasn’t quite back to normal by Saturday. I packed and unpacked half a dozen times before finally giving up and accepting that I would survive, regardless. I panicked about lack of plans, got distracted, panicked a bit again. I printed things and panicked again.
I read recently that perfectionists perform worse than non-perfectionists. They stress so much about getting something “right” that they don’t make all the wrong attempts that help them learn. They turn things in late because they don’t want to turn in an inferior version. Their writing is poor because they never get enough practice writing the lousy versions. I don’t self-identify as a perfectionist, but there is certainly an element of anxiety over making sure I make the best decision and the perfect plan and a deep fear over what happens if I get it wrong. Friday I finally admitted that this trip doesn’t need to have the best of each city. It needs to be nice. We need to have fun. We need to not spend our entire time reading in hostels. But we don’t need to do everything and see everything and feel guilty for downtime.
Adam and I timed our visit quite well. A run by Tesco for red pepper hummus, sourdough bread, crisps and Maltesers still allowed us to be among the first on the bus. A moment of awkward eye contact with FF as the bus drove away took me back to that obnoxious self-absorption about boys that I really need to stop indulging myself in, but Adam proved a wonderfully distracting companion for the rest of the trip.
The trip passed uneventfully, but with a great deal of cooing over baby animals on farms we drove by. We successfully navigated our way to the hostel, despite the fact that my entire conception of Edinburgh is based on the false idea that the castle is North of Princes Street. After checking in and dropping our stuff off in the room Gregory and I were sharing (Only one bed? Good thing it’s large), Adam and I wandered. One of our first discoveries, aside from some awesome scaffolding, was that my sense of direction is dire in Edinburgh. I successfully chose the least interesting direction every time I decided which way to turn. Eventually we turned around and started to explore a more interesting section. We discovered lots of old book stores, a few vintage clothes shop, and a place that sells yarn and tea. (I think I found heaven). After searching for a few of the spots Adam remembered from his last trip here, we made our way back toward the hostel. We were stopped along the way by a street performer whose banter was nearly matched by his ability to swallow a 20″ sword, juggle machetes, and extinguish a flaming torch in his mouth. The last trick was made more impressive by the board of nails on his stomach and the 20stone man on top of the board. I was entertained, Adam was in absolute awe. I don’t think of myself as jaded, but watching his reaction made me realize just how much I was under-reacting to the performance. I did work – fairly successfully – to revive my childlike awe. (Not to be confused with the emotions of two of the actual children in the crowd who fully expected the performer to die, and told him so. Loudly)
Gregory’s arrival was joyous. He arrived, blue hair and all, a bit after five and immediately injected energy, silliness and a sense of purpose into the evening. We took off for dinner at the Black Bull, a pub which (despite lacking fish and chips) served a few great Cask Ales and some fairly tasty onion rings.
Walking to a pub that evening involved a great deal of scampering over scaffolding, a process of which I invariably approve. I’m sure Gregory and Adam are tired of hearing my excitement over converse, but I’m really enjoying having the freedom to climb again. My normal tendency to monkey and act like a 5 year old has been seriously impeded by the poor choices I made when bringing shoes to this country. I feel more me with the ability to climb things, and luckily I’m in good company.
By our second pub of the evening we’d picked up one more, Tufts student from Argentina named Axel. He looks disconcertingly similar to a neuroscience postdoc I knew in NY, though this is at least as much stylistic as bone structure per se. As Adam and I discussed matters of emotion and psychology, Axel and Gregory chatted away. I kept catching bits of talk of literature, much of which sounded quite interesting.
It’s been ages since I’d pulled a true all-nighter, and by 5:30 am I felt remarkably energized. While deeply disappointed to discover Gregory had successfully avoided us during the course of his simultaneous all-nighter (He snuck by us! Hiding! Not saying hello!) Even so he eventually admitted his wakefulness and joined Adam and I for a morning chat, marking the official transition to day two.
I’m sorry to tell you this, but you aren’t working hard enough. And by you, I mean me.
This is a post to motivate myself to work harder, at everything, thinly disguised as a didactic an entertaining post about, what else, circus. I could have picked any subject, but this one suits me.
OK. I’ve failed to write this post three times. I’m not sure why. It either comes off angry-ranty, or whingy-bitchy. No good.
Eff it. Let’s start out with a little entertainment.
I don’t watch much TV — that’s only a little bit of a lie — mostly just when I’m cooking or eating. Sometimes when I’m stretching, but usually I listen to audio books then.
PBS put out a six part program what filled me with love. (BTW. This is the carrot side of the post. The stick to follow.) The documentary creators at PBS tried to do a reality show on the Big Apple Circus. It feels like a low-budget documentary with poor production values, but that just makes me love it more.
Like anything I watch, you can find the whole thing online. You can find all six episodes Online at PBS.
While I enjoyed it, and I think you will too, it feels to me like they missed the point. They obsessed on one sad clown. We get it. Clowns are sad. They gave too much time to another clown who’s a jerk. We never get a sense of what the incredible performers went through to become incredible. They tried to make it personal, but lost the personality. The tight-rope walker has one boyfriend in the beginning and we’re given the impression she’s always been with him. At the end she’s moving back to Europe with her boyfriend, a different performer, who she’s also always been with — no sign of bf #1.
It’s a circus in every sense of the word.
They almost do one thing right. [SPOILER ALERT] There’s a group of performers that are exceptional in that they don’t come from circus families. They weren’t raised circus, they chose circus.
And they fail.
Most of the time, to be that good you have to do it from the time you can walk. Even before you can run.
Failure segues to motivation.
Unless you’re an idiot, failure is motivating. Just ask any scientist. Don’t get it? We need to have a long talk. For now, I’ll give you the two second version.
First second: If you expect something to work and it does, you haven’t learned anything. If you expect something to work and it doesn’t, now you’ve learned something.
Learning things is cool.
Second second: If a pretty girl corrects your misused word, it doesn’t mean you’re an idiot. It means you just learned something.
Learning things is cool.
Are you picking up on a pattern?
Conclusion: Learning things makes you a better person. Therefore, handling failure well makes you a better person. Fail fast and correct well. Now you’re cool.
Anyhoo, back on target. PBS Circus.
What do we learn from this show?
Sort-of-average, extra-crazy people can do amazing things. You also learn that the clowns are ass holes. Don’t be a clown. And managers everywhere suck. Don’t be a manager.
Oh, hey! I’m average with a dash of extra-crazy… maybe I can do something amazing!
I just checked.
I cannot.
Also, ouch.
I’m pretty sure you’ve ignored everything I’ve said. You haven’t even watched your 240-some-odd minutes of PBS Circus, have you? You failed. But that’s OK! Failure is cool!
But before we go on, we need the proper ambiance.
I’m'ma set the mood up in dis betch.
This is the theme song to that show you totally didn’t watch. Listen to this, it’ll make sense later and it’s only 1:16s long.
It’s a 1’16″ long! you still haven’t listened to it? Jeebus, you people are redeemable irremediable.
Now we’ve come to the stick portion of our talk.
People often fail because they’re afraid to really push themselves. They make excuses. They claim they’ll get injured if they try X. Or they’ll get sick if they give up eating Y. In both cases they’re usually talking to someone who’s doing X or has given up Y and improved their health.
Yet these people, the non-giver-uppers, think they’re different. They’re special and can’t give-up/do those things. Or they think the opposite that the doer/giver-upper-of-crap-food is special. It’s bullshit. You’re not special. Neither am I.
Every infantrymen learns this lesson well. When I went through basic training, we were a motley mix of ages and backgrounds. The youngest was 17. The oldest was 33. Everybody pushed. Everybody adapted. You can too.
When in doubt, try it out.
I put a personal anecdote here, but it was boring and preachy. I’ve pulled it.
Sailing along. You don’t need to go through the army to learn that you’re not special. You can do that right here! You don’t need a couple months of a Drill Sgt. screaming at you to learn how to push yourself further than you’ve ever gone.
You need to fail.
I’m serious. If you don’t try, you’ll never get there. You have to try, and fail, and think about it reasonably; change your strategy and try again. Changing your strategy is the important part. Don’t just keep on the wrong path to the right goal. As the conjoined efforts of that Annoying Sunday paper classic, Family Circus and the esteemed favorite of psycho’s everywhere, Friedrich Nietzsche can show you here.
What I’m telling you is: don’t be an asshole. Don’t be the asshole who’s “eating healthy” for ten years and getting fatter every one of them. You’re not eating healthy. It’s not your age. Age has nothing to do with it. It’s not your family or your genes. You’re being an asshole again. Do you really want to be the asshole who brought guns to Narnia? Oh wait. That’s a different rant. Anyway. Try something new. You failed. Celebrate your failure and move on.
Now that I’ve made you so sad that even your puppy is crying, I have to show you this thing.
First I have to say that most of us are pretty good at learning from the mistakes of others. Few are good at learning from other’s successes. If you see someone do it, you can do it too.
Don’t believe me? Listen to the experts.
That’s not the thing. That’s Radio Lab. Which is awesome and you should listen to every single one of them several times. Take away point, just keep doing it for 10,000 hours and you’ll be an expert. No Problem! Right?
Right! The thing!
The thing is another documentary. It’s from PBS again, but totally different producers. They have this series called “Global Voices.” Each episode is a documentary on something. That’s about as unifying as it gets. One of them was on a Chinese circus school. I’m SO glad American schools aren’t like this. Sit down or cook dinner and watch this:
If you haven’t watched it yet, this next part won’t make sense. Read it if you want, but read it again after you watch the video.
No one can push you. Not really. You can let people encourage you or force you forward or anything else, but really, you push yourself. Those kids push themselves.
What do we learn from this?
If you’re not injured, frightened, upside down, sweating bullets, and crying snot while feeling worthless and incompetent, you can push harder. You’ve got more in you.
Push.
See the way they stretched out that kids leg? He cried. He begged. He didn’t break. He got more flexible without injury. When you’re training your splits, don’t let pain be your limiter. Push through the pain.
You just have to decide who you are and who you want to be. The difference is the effort required. I know this personally from my time in the infantry. If you don’t want to learn it yourself, just watch that poor bastard hand-balancer push.
You can push.
So here we are, It’s like we never really left the start.
Time heals the wound but then there’s still a scar
to remind us of the way it’s meant to be.
…
Here’s to tomorrow or whatever get’s you by.
If I don’t write something, I’ll be a liar. The next weekend is coming, so the last weekend will be devoured. Memory wise. I just wish I had pictures. I need to start taking more pictures if I’m going to keep doing this blarg thing. OK. More pictures in the future. For now: words.
Normally I have no social life. I mean I have friends, but I generally only see them around activities. I guess I’m one of those people you can only take in small, focused doses. Like ketamine.
Anyhoo, Friday night I sat around in a cafe with a friend. And then I acquainted her with the obsession that is Minecraft. She was killed by zombies.
Saturday. On Saturday I did something, but for the life of me I don’t remember what.
Then, Saturday night, I went down to my favorite addiction, Powell’s, and read for three blissful hours prior to heading to Teardrop to meet Phaedra. And that’s all weird and fun and nostalgia-y.
Phaedra and I have known each other for twenty years. Twenty years! Crikey that’s a long time!
I can’t say we’ve been friends for twenty years, because there was some time in highschool there where we fought more often than we saw each other. I know that’s not possible, but it’s still true. We were on the same constitution team, our unit was the first amendment, and we couldn’t agree about anything. Of course no one agreed with me about anything, but also Phaedra never agreed with me about anything.
As you’ve already seen on this blog, I tend to be wrong a lot. [Spoiler: That might have something to do with why I'm 34 and never been married.] When I say I’m wrong a lot, I mean with all my years and maturity, and vast amounts of improvement in character and reasoning, practiced over three decades, I’m wrong a lot (as compared to how much more often I was wrong at fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen).
Back then I was sure I was right, I felt that I understood myself, and I couldn’t understand why other people believed the things they did or acted in ways counter to what they said. I still don’t understand other people or why they act in ways counter to their professed beliefs, but now I also feel like I don’t know anything and honestly can’t understand why I do the things I do. I guess that’s why Phaedra and I have been friends for so long: I still can’t get myself to agree with people, but I accept that they’re probably right.
Let me give you an example.
Phaedra was my first “girlfriend”. A word I have to put in quotes because I don’t mean it in the sense that adults mean it; I mean we were fourteen and dated for all of about six hours. It didn’t really count. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’d hate for anyone to know that we were at one time kissing. But we were, and we did. She was my first kiss. And she was amazing. Everyone remembers their first kiss. Phaedra was mine. Since then all the women I’ve kissed have been compared to her and few have measured up.
Phaedra was not so lucky—it would still be seven years before I learned that one shouldn’t burp whilst kissing.
So yeah. Wrong a lot. There you go.
Anyway. It was a stellar night. We bitched about our exes. She talked a little about the boy she’s dating. I talked about my dating foibles. I feel like we both bitched, talked, and listened at exactly the right moments and degrees. It was nice to see an old friend (who still looks SO young). She told me my tweets sounded too sad. And I lied and said I’d try to make them less so. Eventually, we conceded the night and the Portland bars to a younger generation. She went off to her mum’s, and I went off to my cats.
We started this all out late, and ended later. Perhaps poor judgement when I had my first day at Nightflight studios and a beginning fabrics class “first thing” in the morning. But it was worth it.
So Sunday, with a hangover I went off to Nightflight. I was a little scared, but shouldn’t have been. They’re terribly sweet. The beginning class is a nine-week introduction to fabrics and silks. It was taught by John and Stephanie. Each was more than capable. The class assumes no prior knowledge, and is fun and useful for just about any level of physical ability. Assuming you can stretch a little, pull, push, jump, and twist, you should be fine.
I don’t think everyone in my class would be capable of doing a pull-up, and that was no problem. It’s worth noting that Silks, or Tissu as it’s called internationally, is physically less demanding than rope climbing, at least in the early stages. You’re using your whole body to climb, not just pulling yourself up. It’s hard to describe. Also, the trapeze is the still trapeze, not the flying trapeze. There isn’t anywhere in Portland to take flying trapeze. I wish there were.
It’s true the class warmed us up and stretched us out before we began doing anything physical. It’s true that the instruction was clear, the activities were not too hard, and the teachers were top-notch. But the most important thing to know is that this was more fun than I can describe. You should try it. Try a drop in class! Even if it’s not your thing, you’ll love it.
After class Stephanie let me know I didn’t need to go through the rest of the beginning series. Would I like to skip up to Series 1 of silks or trapeze? Yes I would. I had trouble choosing, but picked Silks. I decided to join the class later that same day.
When I got home, I felt like I’d cheated myself. I didn’t want to take silks or trapeze, I wanted to take silks and trapeze. So I went down to the ATM and returned to the studio for two more classes.
These classes were even more fun than the first. As an added bonus, it turned out I already had a friend in each class. The first, Nat (or Natika). The second, Michael (or Team Predator).
This was a day worth writing about.
Three classes, each an hour and a half long. I was tired. That was all I could handle for Sunday. There was much sleeping that night.
I’m sad I’ll miss my two classes next weekend, and glad I won’t have to do three again. But I’m also looking forward to the Ido Portal workshop.
Stephanie told me I can make up the classes during any of their open gyms. So that’s good, I won’t be throwing away any money.
Well there you go. I promised to write something boring about my weekend and I think I delivered.
I’m excited. So there’s this awesome guy what travels the world and solves peoples problems. Like Caine from Kung-Fu.
Which is a total lie, but I really wanted to put Kung-Fu in here somewhere.
Now that’s out of my system, I actually am very excited. There’s this awesome guy that travels the world teaching classes and seminars on a bunch of different things. Capoeira, Equilibra (hand balancing), Strength, Flexibility etc. Apparently he came through Portland in August, and I never heard about it.
He’s coming back at the end of October for a two day seminar. [Shout out to Cross Fit Portland for hosting. Thanks guys. And for my readers, no I don't really have an opinion on Cross Fit. Maybe positive? I don't know, I don't have time to investigate.] For details or to sign up, click HERE.
“Full two days of in-depth training on gymnastic strength, mobility, and acrobatic skills.” — so says the blurb.
The blurb goes on: “Learn how to sequence and develop your own training programs to achieve physical development above and beyond the norm.”
So um. That’s cool. Right?
I’m not selling you on this. Check out this awesome video and you might understand:
Awesome, right? Totally awesome!
So he can do stuff, but a lot of people who can do stuff can’t teach. This guy can. He’s even got excellent instruction on the “Body Line Wall Drill.” A fundamental exercise for learning the handstand. In my personal experience, this is the most important single exercise to do if you want to start learning, or continue to gain control of, handstands.
Be sure to read the post below the video too.
While you’re there check out the “Blog Archive” on the right. You might want to look through the July & August posts from 2009. There’s a boatload of good info and instruction.
He’s also very active on the Gymnastic Bodies forum (a place I lurk a lot when I’m actually doing my conditioning). For example the handstand section of the forum.
Many of you know I follow that advice. And many of you think I’m crazy. I maintain that more than anything else I’ve done, that single change in my life has improved my health, my strength, and removed joint / back pain and stiffness. Try it for two months. You’ll never go back. And hey, it’s just two months; you can do that whilst sitting on your hands. Think of how quickly the last two months went by. Or the last six. Or the last three years. Crikey! I’m getting old.
So yeah, I’m excited about the seminar. (<-- click that!)
One last note. I get asked in meat-space a lot of health questions. I've become more reticent to answer because people argue faster than a tick draws blood. You asked me how I do something; now you're telling me that how you do it, which isn't working for you, is the right way and I'm wrong? Seriously? I didn't ask how you do it because we can both see it doesn't work. You asked me. Don't do it, I don't care, but don't argue.
Similarly, when I started this blog I thought maybe I could give consolidated health advice too. Or at least training advice. But I don't think I will.
The truth is, the information out there is SO good, from people like Ido Portal, I'm worried I might do more harm than good by diluting the pool of knowledge. Just look at those links up there. Between Gymnastic Bodies and Ido's blog, the only other thing you need for optimal health is diet: try Mark’s Daily Apple. Scroll down. Scroll way down. Start with the eleven, count ‘em ELEVEN, links on Primal on the Cheap. Yes. You can eat healthy and probably for less $$ than the shit your shoving down your pie whole right now. Mmmm Pieeeee. (Super secret hint: If you want healthy and delicious desserts, check out raw food recipes. There’s plenty of them on the web. Many of them, like the nut crusts, are even better when baked. Just take whatever sweetener they suggest and cut it WAAYY down. Yes, even Agave Sweetener and Honey are sugars. Use less. You’ll be happier.)
Now you know everything you need to have a better body into your mid thirties (where I am now) than you had in your late teen / early twenties. No bullshit. Right down to healthy teeth and shinier coat (woof!).
Right. ‘Nough of that. I’m excited and you should be too. Go do something healthy, and by healthy I mean fun. Try a bridge. Or a handstand against a wall. Or a cartwheel. I highly recommend the cartwheel. Yell ‘SQUEEE!!’ while you’re doing it. You’ll thank me.
-Ugly Elf
[edited October 19th: Thanks to Doctor Dravier for pointing out I needed a link to the seminar.]
I’m so busy I don’t know how to handle it. And thus the next exciting installment of Euroland hasn’t been started yet.
Brief and uninteresting life news that no one will care about but me. The weekend was spent in Eugene, where Stephanie’s birthday was lovely. Poor Andrew and Stephanie, the day after the party they had to put their wonderful cat Grimple down. We’ll miss you Grimple.
I continue to train, but without any real progress. My elbow has been living hell, so I took last Thursday off, which turned out to be a good choice: yesterday for the first time in three years, I got a V7 at the Circuit. So awesome!
OK, that’s enough. Shouldn’t bore too much and should let you know I’m not stopping the blog.
-UE-
Today was the last day of summer. Though it started with a nine-hour, stressful work day, it ended with two hours of tumbling at Rose City Gymnastics that was the most fun I’ve had since early in July.
Five new faces were there, all of them visiting from the Bay area. They were a mix of folks from the Vulcan (which might be this?) and the San Francisco circus school (which might be this?).
We’re talking MAD SKILLZ: juggling, tumbling, poi, hoops, silks, trapeze, etc. But more important they were the sweetest nicest folks. Every time I said “that looks so cool” the response was: “Come try!”.
Maybe the coolest thing for me? The reason they were there: one of the girls, Emily, found the open gym from my circus page! Woo hoo!
Oh, and I have to update it, because I need to put Harmony’s hoop classes on there. Harmony, by the way, is our “teacher” on Tuesday nights. I use quotes, because we’re not supposed to have a teacher, it’s an open gym, but she teaches us anyway and does a fantastic job! I’m also super impressed because of her mad rope climbing talent (no feet!).
Personally I kicked into and held the longest handstand I’ve yet achieved, continued bridgework and got back my kick-over, worked the pike-kip-up on the uneven bars, had a first lesson on the mushroom, and continued my sloppy execution of the front handspring. I failed miserably to get an aerial. There hard. It was fun!
I don’t think I’ve posted a video of the sorts of things I do here, but I meant to. Maybe I did, if so, tell me and I’ll remove it:
A lot of people have been asking me for medical advice lately.
A lot.
Strangers.
They just walk up to me and ask, for example, how to strengthen their shoulder or their knee what they injured.
Me.
…
This is probably not wise.
Rather than offer to fix their computer or edit their writing, either of which would make a lot more sense (programmer by education, Fiction Editor of The Grove Literary Review by vocation) I’m going to try to link to a crap-load of conditioning knowledge across the web. A small crap-load, but still, in scientific terms, a crap-load. Hopefully you can find your own answers there, just as I did.
First you have to understand something. There are three components to healthy and effective strength:
Static Strength, Dynamic Strength, and Flexibility. Yes, Flexibility. Without training all three, you will injure. Sooner or later. Obviously all these can be broken down into more categories (flexibility: passive, active, ballistic, etc), but let’s not. You can get that from these wonderful sites. Do the time. Don’t be lazy. And you too will be able to work on the iron cross without injuring your shoulder or elbow.
An example of the active/passive/flexibility plan for fitness is from Coach Christopher Sommer. He views the three most important strength activities as rings, handstand work, and stretching. The first two involve both static and dynamic strength, and stretching is flexibility. Wait a minute? Why am I justifying myself to you? Just go after the info and make up your own damn mind.
Yet another note: all this stuff is great for women too. Your body will adapt differently than mine. You won’t get big, flaming muscles. You will get a tight, feminine six pack—assuming you have a no-sugar, low-or-no-grain diet to match. I think that more men than women create and flock to these sites for the same reason that there are more women than men creating and flocking to yoga studios: for solidarity. Yoga is great, if that’s what you want to do. I’m not as much for the spirituality, and I am more for the ninja-tricks. But body weight conditioning is fun in any form. Yoga is fun. But if you’re doing it right it’s a kind-of-too-hard that I don’t enjoy as much. Does that make sense? You have to be a real bad ass to push through some of those yoga work outs. I just monkey around until I get strong. (oot oot)
Do note: these aren’t pages on recovery. My game is to not get injured. It’s a good racket—you should try.
If you’re serious about body weight conditioning, start with the book: Building the Gymnastic Body
I can’t stress enough that this is a fundamental source of knowledge on body weight conditioning. Read it cover to cover. Do not skip the last chapter; it’s on program design.
Also from the Gymnastic Bodies Website:
Coach Sommer’s essays.
And the forums are great.
And last, from another part of the web, Coach Sommer’s article on building the iron cross
Ido Portal is the bomb. YouTube channel, start at the bottom.
Blog. Start here and go forward in time.
Ido is my latest favoritest source of intel. I’m going to link directly to this warm up thingum, with a nice section on shoulder stabilization, since that’s what I get the most questions about. The wrist work is awesome. Those wrist pushups hurt at first, but you quickly get stronger.
I don’t have as much to say about Beast Skills, but it has fun stuffs: Beast skills. I’m currently working on the flag and the one arm elbow lever. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Lost Art of Handbalancing. Honestly, I haven’t found too much help here. I haven’t been willing to buy any of their for-sale products. I do have to give a shout out to this guy. He started much younger than me, early twenties instead of thirties, but he’s learning what he wants to learn. I badly want to reform his diet, but that might hurt his feelings and he could probably kick my ass anyway. I’m not a fighter.
They do link through to hand-balancing stands. I hope to buy a pair later in the summer. They’re spendy, at $129+shipping, but much less than other options. PS—if you find a better option, message me! Also, if you’re a believer in this site, please put it in the comments. I won’t approve any comments that bash these sites, though I will approve critical reviews, but what I’d really like is success stories. So if you like and use the Lost Art of Handbalancing website, give a shout out in the comments!
stretching
Most of the forums I’ve linked to have good information on stretching. Also, search both youtube and google for split progressions. The two things I would emphasize are that stretching is an integral component to strength. No ifs, ands, or buts, Second, improvement takes time. To improve the splits I found I had to hold the position for at least two minutes, and I must do this several times a week. Then I hit a wall, so now I’m doing it for three minutes at a time, and making progress again. I have my middle splits, and I’m close to my left and right splits (or front splits and … the other front splits?). Tutorial details that warn you that training the splits requires extended periods of increasing pain are not exaggerating. Also, cramping is your friend. Have a laugh with your friend, and, if necessary, a good cry. If you find great tutorials please put them in the comments and I’ll link them here. For now, try this.
If I didn’t put dragon-door in here somewhere, I’d get flamed: http://www.dragondoor.com/articler/mode2/Workouts
Parallettes: There are options. I prefer wood. I have two sets, my favorite being the 18″ Gibson.
I would buy the 36″ if you have the room / can afford them. That way you can practice L-Sit circles on them.
A good Yoga Matt: talk to a good yoga instructor.
Interlocking mats. I don’t have these, but I’ll get some at some point.
Rings. I’m lucky enough to have access to rings at the bouldering gym. I’m unlucky in that I have no space at home to hang a pair. If you buy your own rings, get metal. I hate the plastic rings, and you should too.
That should be more than enough to get you started. I’ll try to post an impressive looking video or something to hold your micro attention (assuming you’re like me, of course) as soon as I can.
I’m going to write a series of posts on the monkey like activities—or monktivities—that I do. Why do you want to read about this? Shit I don’t know. You’re the one with the eyes on the page, hombre, you tell me what you’re doing here.
Anywho, a long time ago I got bored with weight lifting. That’s a lie. A long time ago, I got distracted away from weight lifting, which I thought was fine, by things that were just too much fun to allow time for weight lifting. There was no going back.
It started with rock climbing, which quickly moved from general rock climbing to specifically bouldering. For the uninitiated, that’s climbing to a lower height, without ropes. So that was fun, but it’s all pull and no push; an easy way to end up overspecialized, injured, or walking around with climber’s posture: a suave-caveman sort of look. [Ugly Elf note: despite climber's posture, girls who rock climb are hot! It's a fact. Look it up.] So I started messing with some body weight conditioning thingums. Thingums, that’s a technical term. Moving on.
awkward-looking-dude-whats-me
Things changed. Hearts were broken (mine). I decided to prove a point about diet; namely what could be achieved by all diet no activity. And I stopped working out. The results were pretty good, as seen on the right, but not great. At that time, I was eating my weird, modified primal diet, and still am, and I was bouldering about once a month. That was all. And I was 33 and looked like that. Keep looking. Are you looking? OK, stop it. That’s creepy.
Things started to change in March; my point was made, so when I got back from Costa Rica I did a little more climbing, and a little more stretching, and I played at conditioning. Pretty quickly I figured out the only time I felt like my pre-heartbreak self was when I was monkeying about. I liked to feel like me. An addiction was born.
At the end of April, a young chap named Daniel saw me on the still rings at the gym and loaned me a book written by the famous Coach Sommer. More on him later. This kicked me from fucking-around-with-conditioning mode, to rigorous-investigation-on-conditioning mode. It’s been just as fun, and results have been great. I’m 34 and I constantly, constantly, get remarks on how big my arms are, or about my physique, or my “gymnasts build”. True story: I was never a gymnast.
[Ugly Elf note: My seventeen-year-old self would dislike-what-I-say and fight-me-for-it, but "I notice you have huge arms" is not synonymous with "dude you're hot". It only means your arms are slightly big. Good gravy! The number of times I got shot down before I figured that out. While having a pretty face might help, and I don't, the only scientifically proven way for men to look attractive to women is here.]
still awkward
Body weight conditioning is cool. Unlike weight lifting where you advance to doing the same thing you were doing only more so, with BWC you advance to something you could not possibly do before.
That’s right.
You Level Up.
This sort of progression training, compounded with my addiction to feel like my old-self (an ass) and not my bork-ed new-self (a whiny ass), have led to this: Saturday morning I take a class in Hand balancing; Saturday afternoon I rock climb and condition; Sunday evening I do circus stunting; Monday evening I do tumbling; some Tuesdays I condition and climb; some Wednesdays I climb; Thursdays I always climb and condition; Friday I nurse my wounds.
But that brings us back to you and why you’re reading this. You don’t want to do that much. It’s crazy. But you want to do something. So here are your reasons:
1) It’s fun—honestly, the biggest reason. Every single one of these things makes you feel like a kid on a playground.
2) It’s healthy—which is, you know, worth something I suppose.
3) Ninja skillz—cause who doesn’t want to do a front handspring, or a handstand, or base/fly a shoulder stand.
4) Compliments on your looks may not equal interest, but they’re still nice for the fragile ego.
5) The kind of flexibility to make your cat do a double take.
I’ll be making a post for each of the activities I do, and linking to them from here:
Bouldering
Conditioning
Tumbling
Stunting
Hand Balancing
[yes, I know those aren't links yet. I haven't written the posts!]
Want to find training in any of these things? Click that link that says “circus” up at the top of the page.
