OK. Listen. You know how every annoying Karen and Kyle say “I’m gonna carpe this diem!” Well they shouldn’t. Time for the first issue of my pet peeves. (I promise I’ll do a book review soon. That will be more interesting. This will be shorter.
Pet peeve time. the “carpe” in “carpe diem” comes from the infinitive “Carpere”. Carpere — Literally “to pluck” or “to harvest”
“Carpe” is the second-person imperative of the infinitive verb “carpere”.
So “carpe” (again, second person imperative) means “You, harvest!”
So when people say “I’m going to carpe this diem”. They’re saying “I’m going to you grab this day.”
No you’re not, bitch. You’re going to “carpo” that diem. “carpo” — first person singular present. “Carpo” — “I’m harvesting / plucking.” Unless the day is in front of you, then you’re going to “carpam” that “diem”. First person singular future.
Wait… I think I just figured out why I’m single.
I want to change my pet peeve. I don’t care about carpe diem. I care that I’m single. My pet peeve is that I’m single.